Do you act as an adult or a wounded child? How to recognise the inner child's wounds? Discover it today and heal your inner child.
Your inner child can be a helpful sub-personality. However, he or she can also be bothersome and sabotage your decisions or actions.
The brutal truth is that you may not discover the real reasons for your inner child's misbehaviour. Therefore, today I will write about the four major wounds that have a huge impact on your life. You will also learn how to heal these wounds.
Why Inner Child's Wounds Are So Challenging?
Think of this situation. You are criticised at work for your job or at home, by your partner, for not washing up. What is your reaction? How will you behave in similar cases in the future?
You have two options: to act as a strong, healthy adult, and take responsibility for your actions. Then you act differently the next time, channel your emotions and soothe your ego.
However, your reaction will be different from your inner child's perspective. Depending on the wound that has been triggered, he or she will become angry, sullen, piqued, touched and eventually avoid similar scenarios or put a mask in the future.
Bear in mind that a given situation can trigger more than one inner child's wound. Then it would help if you worked with all the wounds.
How Can Inner Child's Wounds Sabotage Your Life?
I have described only one scenario here. Check how much you will lose, acting as a wounded inner child. Look at these situations:
Your sex life can suffer (fear of encounters, lack of satisfaction, allowing abuse).
Your dates and quality time are impeded (poor communication, abuse, lack of assertiveness).
Your way of sharing feelings is degraded to putting on a mask and not talking about your emotions.
Avoidance of being around your spouse, parents, family, e.g., by taking overtime.
You avoid asking for a salary increase.
Acts of ignoring the boss's mistakes because of the fear of dismissal.
Losing opportunities in investment.
Having low sales and doing poor marketing.
Having fewer clients (due to the fear of rejection, and lack of assertiveness).
Being bullied at work because of poor assertiveness and self-confidence.
Your customers do not pay on time because you are not firm enough to demand these payments.
You come down with illnesses based on holding grudges, stress, fear and destructive emotions (cancer, back pain, indigestion, liver problems, kidney problems, circulatory system illness).
You have poor posture and fitness, back and neck pain, discopathy, and vertebral degeneration.
Your sleep quality is low and you suffer from insomnia.
Weight gain (due to comfort eating) or loss (due to stress) can be your problem.
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What Are the 4 Najour Wounds of Your Inner Child?
We are actually healing 4 basic wounds. I must point out that we usually have more than one of these wounds because they are often due to similar reasons: lack of care, abuse, or rejection, even if it is unconscious and unintended.
1. The Inner Child's Wound of Being Rejected and Abandoned
Rejection means abandonment and lack of survival for a vulnerable child, dependent on his/her parents' care. Then, in adult life, you can still think in this way, in spite of being independent, wealthy and successful. More about rejection soon on my blog.
However, losing your job, money, and relationships may still remind you that you might not survive. On the one hand, you are afraid of being judged and avoid showing your talents, and achievements yourself.
But you can also be stuck in toxic relationships at home and at work, being afraid of loneliness if you decide to move on. This attitude will impede your decisions and the quality of your life. Learn how to overcome the fear of rejection.
2. The Inner Child's Wound of Being Guilty and Ashamed
The second wound is the result of much responsibility put on the child's shoulders and the pressure that if the child fails, he/she will be punished. This means discomfort because of losing his/her parents' love and then the child is dreadful for their survival.
It happens when you have to mind younger siblings or even substitute their mother or father during childhood - on the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels.
3. The Inner Child's Wound of Self-Mistrust
If parents or other important adult figures told you 'It's impossible' or 'You can't do it', chances are that your inner child will be wounded with self-mistrust.
Moreover, if you see that your parents are stronger and you are unable to hold your own, that you have no say in the family, your assertiveness is repressed, then the lack of self-confidence kicks on.
It also happens that, because of choked emotions that would be punished otherwise, these emotions become unpredictable, and volatile and get out of your control.
Mistrust can also result from the lack of safety, when the child grows up in a dysfunctional family, e.g., with a drinking problem. Then it was highly unpredictable how the intoxicated father or mother would behave.
4. The Inner Child's Wound of Being Neglected
Parents are very busy in contemporary times. It often results in neglecting their children, who feel unimportant and unloved and they feel a lack of care. When?
For example, when a child asks a question, wants to talk about his/her problems and the parent has no time, says 'Go away, I'm busy'. As a result, children hide in their imaginary world, seeing it as better than the real one. They will isolate, become asocial and be uninvolved in teamwork.
How to Heal Inner Child's Wounds
Now, once you have identified the wound, start healing it. The tips I describe below are universal to each of these inner child's wounds.
1. Stop Blaming Your Wrongdoers
Your wounds trigger similar mechanisms that had been used by your parents in the past. So in the case of the wound of guilt and shame, you will probably blame others for mistakes, too.
Furthermore, when you become aware of who has wounded you, instead of forgiveness, acceptance and understanding these people will be blamed for your failures, pain and misery. This attitude will lead you to nowhere. So what can you do? to stop blaming others?
Understand that your parents have also got their inner child's wounds, which are manifested in their behaviour. Learn more about spiritual growth.
Accept the fact that your wounds were necessary to know what abuse, neglect and rejection are, to give you an opportunity to grow beyond these wounds. Check what you can accept in your life.
Forgive and let go - of yourself for allowing abuse to happen and of all who have abused, rejected and abandoned you. Learn more about self-forgiveness.
Resolve to stop blaming anything, anyone and yourself - or anything.
2. Be the Creator of Your Fate
You may feel abandoned, rejected, abused and manifest mistrust. However, remember that you are the creator. Creation in the opposite pole of any negative feeling and attitude. The question is
Would you rather stay an inert victim of your past or would you learn from it and create a wonderful life now? The choice is yours.
But what does creation mean? Here are some ways you can be creative:
Involvement in a creative activity - writing, arts; learn new skills and use them in a creative way (a foreign language, playing a musical instrument).
Use your mind to create a brilliant future by watching your thoughts, practising affirmations and visualisation.
Reprogram your subconscious mind (more details below)
Do something proactive - instead of blaming, call your friend, make a wonderful dinner, or go for a walk.
And remember: being alone does need to mean feeling lonely. The second one is your attitude which can be changed into creation. Even as a single person you can contribute a lot to the world.
3. Take Care of Your Inner Child
Your wounded inner child needs a big cuddle, and safety to cry out and to soothe his/her pain This is done by your inner adult, a healthy adult who is assertive, self-confident and who follows the can-do attitude. Be your own mother and father for your inner child - full of compassion, understanding, attention and love. Learn more about working with the inner child.
4. Heal Your Emotions
As each being, children express emotions. However, these emotions are usually immature. In addition, very often, parents forbid a child to be angry, sad or even happy ('don't laugh').
Then these emotions are frozen in your body and erupt in the least desirable moment.
This does not mean neglecting or choking emotions again. Instead, notice your anger, shame, guilt or fear. Next, use one of the channelling methods to vent emotions in a safe way.
Talk to your inner child and ask what he/she is feeling, you can help them with venting these traumatic emotions. Learn how to pacify your emotions.
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5. Practise Cardiac Coherence
When your mind and heart are connected, nothing can hurt you because there is no need to explain yourself.
There are many ways in which you connect your heart and mind. One of them is based on breathing. Healthy Mind recommends the following technique: for five minutes you do six breaths and this exercise should be repeated three times a day - upon waking up, in the late morning and in the late afternoon.
What cardiac coherence method do I recommend? Put your both hands on the Heart Chakra and while breathing, imagine a bridge between your head and heart. Fill this bridge with energy.
You need to remember that when you make a decision and act from the heart, no fears of other people's opinions emerge. Rejection does not count because you are whole yourself as "I am". Also, the heart makes it easier to think and eat from the higher vibrations' perspective. e.g love.
6. Quell Your Ego
I have recently written a post about ego. This aspect of your psyche manifests as fear, sadness and anger. You are afraid of letting go, full of lack and you are unhappy when losing someone or something. Your inner child does the same.
Furthermore, you are afraid of the unknown. What can you do? Every time you dread loss, cannot be flexible or feel minority complex, say
'Okay, this is my ego but I am the whole, full of abundance and everything I need.' There is no point to be afraid of loss or of losing control, feel lack and be full of minority complexes.'
Assure your inner child of your care and assistance to create wholeness and abundance.
7. Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind
95 per cent of your thoughts are repetitive and result from your or other people's unconsciousness. For years, you amass information, emotions and other data in your subconscious mind. It is taught various habits, not necessarily helpful and these habits were/are used by other people.
Inner child's wounds are also subconscious programs. How to reprogram the subconscious mind? Focus on something opposite. For example, while being afraid of losing your family member, visualise abundance, and all blessings you have while being with this person. Learn more about reprogramming your subconscious mind.
8. Practise Affirmations
By affirming new programs to your subconscious mind, your inner child will be healed. I recommend combining affirmations with EFT and mirror work. It simply means that you say affirmations aloud in front of the mirror, looking deeply into your eyes.
But also, to code the new message, tap the EFT points at the same time. You can start from the karate chop (the side of the hand) or the sore spot (located about four inches down from the point of the collarbone and a few inches out from your heart) by affirming the wound and then affirming something opposite while tapping the rest of the spots. For example:
I feel abandoned because my husband does not listen to me. (karate point/sore spot)
Even if I feel abandoned, I love and approve of myself (top of the head, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, under the chin, collar, sore spot, and under the arm)
I choose to feel loved and in the future, I will take care of myself and love myself. ( (top of the head, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, under the chin, collar, sore spot, and under the arm)
Further reading: Practise affirmations to boost your self-confidence.
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During meditation, you can cleanse your mind and heal your inner child. Moreover, you can use other beings' help with it and see your inner child as healthy and happy. Learn more about how to meditate.
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In a Nutshell
You can heal the four inner child's wounds: abandonment, guilt, mistrust and neglect. Use these powerful tools: meditation, affirmations, prayer, physical exercise, and bodywork to channel the emotions triggered by these wounds and to reprogram your subconscious mind. Stop blaming the wrongdoers and take care of your inner child. Good luck. With lots of love and light,
Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach who inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any piece of advice published on this website by the reader.