Guilt can be classified as a healthy and unhealthy one. Each of them is treated differently. Discover how to tackle unhealthy guilt.
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As you have already read in my previous post, there are two kinds of guilt: the healthy and the unhealthy. I described how to handle healthy guilt in my last post. Today you will learn how to tackle unhealthy guilt.
How To Handle Unhealthy Guilt
Once again, I will remind you of the definition of unhealthy guilt. You feel guilty for things beyond your responsibility. They include other people's actions and well-being, and things you cannot control, like the outcomes of most situations.
Further reading about emotions:
1. Recognize the Kind and Purpose of Your Guilt
You need to identify the kind of your unhealthy guilt and its purpose. It usually comes from one of the following sources:
Doing better than someone (survivor’s guilt).
Feeling that you have not done enough to help someone.
Something that you only think you have done.
Something you have not done but that you want to do.
For example, you feel guilty for getting a promotion. You need to distinguish two cases here:
If you spread nasty rumours about co-workers to become promoted, this guilt is indeed healthy and you need to handle it according to my last post's instructions.
However, if you simply got this promotion from having earned it and feel guilty, then you are dealing with unhealthy guilt which serves no rational purpose.
2. List What You Can Control And What You Cannot
Take your journal, and write out the things that you can truly control totally or partially. When you blame yourself for a mistake or incident that was only partially in your control means that you are angry at yourself for things that are beyond you.
Also, consider not blaming yourself for the things you wish you had done since you could not possibly have known what you know now. Remember that you made the best judgment available to you then.
Remind yourself that you are not to blame for surviving a tragedy during which someone else, even someone close to you died.
Recognize that you are not ultimately responsible for other people. Even if you have a great deal of love and concern for those in your life, do not forget that they are charged with taking care of their well-being.
3. Examine Your Standards for Achievement and Helping Others
While writing in a journal, ask yourself if the behavioural ideals you set for yourself are not too high. These standards are often imposed on you by outside forces which may have helped you stand on your feet at an early age. However, now they are too rigorous and unattainable causing great distress.
You have the right to protect and stand up for your self-interests. You often feel guilty for not bending over backwards for others or sacrificing something you hold dear. It is very important to overcome this unhealthy guilt to be a self-confident person.
Remind yourself to accept that people’s interests may conflict and that you do not need to resign from your rights just to satisfy the demands of these people. No one is at fault for earnestly seeking to fulfil their own needs.
4. While Helping Others Focus on Quality Instead of Quantity
The sad truth is that guilt often stems from thinking of being not sensitive enough to others. You only have so much of yourself to give. However, remember that the quality of your help will diminish if you are trying too hard to help all the time. It also happens when you help everyone you care about all the time, no matter what.
There is a simple method of avoiding this type of guilt. Just be more aware of situations when it is truly you who must step in. Your guilt will diminish automatically when you are discerning about the moments you offer help.
There are some benefits of getting a shot of guilt here:
It will give you a healthier sense of how much responsibility you have for others,
It will improve the quality of your help,
It will make you more aware of the good you are doing rather than what other things you could be doing.
5. Use Mindfulness to Find Acceptance and Inner Peace
Mindfulness and meditative practices are the techniques that can help you learn to observe your mental processes and observe the tendencies of keeping guilt going. Self-blame and excessive self-criticism are good examples.
When you learn to observe these processes, you automatically start being more compassionate toward yourself. Here are some benefits of using mindfulness for coping with unhealthy guilt:
You will notice that these thoughts need not be taken seriously or acted upon.
It can also be helpful to maintain close contact with loved ones who accept you as you are and display unconditional compassion for you.
It will be easier to develop this attitude toward yourself.
One word of caution here. You are responsible for self-acceptance and self-compassion, and this can be done with or without help.
Further reading about mindfulness:
6. Seek a Mental Health Professional in the Case of Struggling with Guilt
While experiencing unhealthy guilt, it may be too difficult to resolve the issues alone. Sometimes even your loved ones cannot help.
Then see a qualified mental health therapist, psychologist or counsellor who is clinically certified. In this way, they can help you work through your feelings and reframe your thoughts about an incident.
A therapist may also suggest family therapy to help resolve issues of guilt and anger that can at times affect the entire community.
7. Meditate
Transform your guilt during meditation. Ask God and the beings of Light for help, talk to your soul and create your guilt-free reality.
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8. Pray
Give your guilt to God, dissolve it in the Divine White Light. You can say these words.
GOD, PLEASE, TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD AT THIS TIME OF CHALLENGE. LET ALL THAT DOES NOT SERVE ME BE TAKEN AWAY AND MY HEART BECOME HAPPY, FULL OF JOY AND LET A SMILE APPEAR ON MY FACE.
In A Nutshell
I have presented you with the six ways of handling unhealthy guilt. In general, you need to recognise the guilt and the things for which you are not responsible (totally or partially), focus on quality while helping others and use mindfulness. In the case of no improvement, contact a mental health professional.
With lots of love and light,
Vicky
About
Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach who inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
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The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any piece of advice published on this website by the reader.