The fear of rejection can destroy your life. Do you know the monster inside out? Discover it today.
There are many articles and books about the fear of rejection. I would like to address this issue more holistically. You will learn the problem inside out, about the things that are not commonly known.
What Is the Fear of Rejection?
In general, the fear of rejection means that you are afraid of not being liked, accepted, or simply being abandoned and alone. Two weeks ago I wrote about the difference between the fear of rejection and the fear of abandonment. Today you will meet the fear of rejection inside out.
Just to sum up, rejection does not necessarily mean the danger of your survival while abandonment can mean so.
The Clinical Definition of the Fear of Rejection
It is not surprising that the fear of rejection is part of many mental health conditions, e.g. social anxiety or depression. But scientists have even distinguished a separate unit, described as follows:
Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) - experiencing severe emotional pain because of a failure or feeling rejected. This condition is linked to ADHD and experts suspect it happens due to differences in brain structure - Cleverland Clinic
How Does the Fear of Rejection Manifest in Life?
This fear has many faces and is linked to more challenges, concerning assertiveness, workaholism, perfectionism and other fears, e.g. the fear of failure. You are also a people-pleaser, and take too many responsibilities because of the inability to say 'no'.
Moreover, you stay in unhealthy relationships, especially abusive ones. You may also put up with being bullied or mobbed. So summing up, you resign from your right to be respected, loved and accepted as you are.
Learn how to combat other fears
What Causes the Fear of Rejection
I will write about a couple of aspects here: the mental and spiritual ones. Sometimes the physical aspect is also relevant here, e.g. when you look 'ugly' or are disabled and fear ridicule. More details are below.
Mental Aspect
Because this fear manifests in automatic subconscious thinking patterns and beliefs, we can assume that something or someone has installed this fear. Children are not afraid of rejection, they are taught to feel so.
If you are afraid of rejection it simply indicates that destructive criticism, bullying and abandonment by your caretakers were common. It also develops at school and work, when your teacher/boss and peers/co-corkers treat you this way. Because rejection can mean lower rates at school or no work at all, you dread being rejected.
Moreover, the fear of rejection is the result of an unsatisfied need for certainty. This need belongs to the four critically important needs, according to the Six Human Needs theory. The need I am writing about states that you want to be certain that good things happen in your life.
Therefore you avoid pain, which is an integral part of being rejected. However, it is the all-or-nothing avoidance, concerning everything, even the cases when you could gain fulfilling work or loving relationships.
Mental Health Aspect
As I wrote above, the fear of rejection can be an element of social anxiety, PSTD, or OCD. In the case of social anxiety, you dread ostracism and alienation because of saying/doing something embarrassing.
OCD, in turn, manifests through rumination and obsessive thinking about being liked or accepted. It is very common in the case of romantic relationships, at work or among acquaintances and friends.
PTSD is known to not only trigger the fight or flight response but also the fawn response. Both are related to rejection. which is related to fear of rejection. Fawning means that you are desperately trying to pacify things and please others to avoid conflict, which also means the avoidance of rejection.
Further reading about mind and thoughts:
Physical Aspect
I mentioned being ugly or disabled. But we need to dig deeper here. You can be ugly because of an unfortunate accident at work or while travelling. But ugliness can also be coded in your DNA as a physical thing.
But DNA can also store information in the form of genes, about your mental patterns, how your brain will react, and whether it is more or less sensitive to rejection.
Cellular memory is another aspect here. You also inherit all your ancestors' traumas and fears. Later in life, your thinking patterns, hidden emotions and traumas are anchored in your cells.
Learn how to take care of your body - the article continues below:
The Spiritual Aspect
Cellular memory is the physical element of ancestral karma but also the result of the experiences in your past lives. You might have gone through hardship because of rejection or even ended up dying because of starvation or being killed (e.g. during a war or drowning).
Moreover, you can also be afraid of God and His/Her rejection. This belief and thinking pattern was installed by religion when the gurus threatened you with rejection in the case of leaving the community.
Further reading about spiritual life:
The Consequences of the Fear of Rejection
These may be positive and negative, different in the short term and the long term. From the long-term perspective, you can lose precious relationships in your personal and professional life. Being afraid of saying 'no' means the loss of the opportunities to meet different, more positive people.
Moreover, you may become sick and end up with cancer, heart attack or depression because of living in an abusive environment at work or home. If you dread to say 'no', toxic relationships can destroy you. You will also destroy yourself.
On the other hand, the fear of rejection protects you short-term - from alienation and the potential danger of death (e.g. because of losing a job or being alone). You can also avoid the pain of rejection itself, which brushes ego and self-esteem.
Losing social opportunities is another consequence, both long and short-term. When you stick to toxic friends, there will be no opportunity to visit new places, or experience new things if these people do not want to try something new or accept your ideas.
In the case of business, you can avoid swindlers and dishonest business partners but you are also losing many opportunities to meet better people instead. This also applies to customers.
Sticking to some who pay little and are impolite, and demanding because of the fear of losing your income is also unhealthy. Moreover, you may also avoid selling something because you dread rejection and you dare not talk to a prospect.
And last but not least, you kill your creativity while being afraid of rejection. This fear can paralyse you enough to become numb mentally and emotionally.
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Is the Fear of Rejection Good or Bad?
I would not be radical in the verdict. Everything in a minimal amount can stimulate and immunise, like a dead virus in a vaccine. But getting out of your hand, the fear of rejection becomes your self-fulfilling prophecy. Being afraid of rejection you attract more rejection to your life.
Missing life's greatest opportunities and blessings is another disadvantage. Avoiding some changes, assertiveness and making decisions because of the fear of rejection causes you not to live your life to the fullest.
However, in some cases, a minimal amount of the fear of rejection can help you to do a better job and avoid even worse abuse from your partner, if you are alone with him/her.
Credits to Choosing Therapy and Cleveland Clinic.
Is the fear of rejection your challenge and you do not know how to pacify it? Check my next article published on Awaken Happy Life.
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In a Nutshell
The fear of rejection is usually installed in childhood and later by unfortunate events in life. Some mental health conditions manifest by this fear. It usually leads to avoidance, you lose many opportunities and kill your creativity.
Vicky
About
Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach who inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
DISCLAIMER
The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any piece of advice published on this website by the reader.