Destructive criticism is very common. It may be your partner, mother or in-laws who will try to bury your high self-esteem. What can you do then?
Destructive Criticism. What Is That?
It is said that you had better meet the enemy before the fight. Here is a definition of destructive criticism:
Destructive criticism means challenging your ideas, character, or ability when someone is giving hurting your pride and having negative effects on your self-esteem and confidence.
This form of criticism is often just a thoughtless deed done by another person, but it can also be deliberately malicious and hurtful. It can lead, in some cases, to anger and/or aggression. - Skills You Need
Moreover, destructive criticism usually does not give you any useful feedback. You are attacked personally, often name-calling is used. You have probably heard about constructive criticism, too.
In this case, even when your ideas, actions and words may be challenged, the criticism does not affect you personally and you can learn what is wrong and how you could do it better.
Before You Begin to Face Destructive Criticism...
It is unwise to use the tools without preparation. Sometimes you can even notice that no action concerning destructive criticism is necessary. Hence, before you take any action, consider these pieces of advice:
1. Define If It Is Indeed Destructive Criticism
You need to elicit the following fact: the critics' intention, the energy coming from the criticism and the form of their criticism. Answer these questions:
Where is the feedback coming from?
What kind of vibrations is this message conveying?
What are the intentions of the person who is criticizing?
For example, if the feedback comes from your mentor or a friend, they may probably want you to perform better. They usually know your weaker points and can give you some useful advice bow to be the best version of yourself.
However, any kind of criticism attacking your insecurities means that there are no good intentions behind it. Moreover, if the critic is not an expert in the field he/she is talking about, ignore their words completely.
Eradicate self-criticism - check this - today's article continues below:
2. Look for The Grain Of Truth In Criticism
Criticism may be mean, unnecessary, and hurtful. It often happens in relationships with your family, children and partner.
For example, your sister might say that you were "a complete mess" or your partner said you were "totally selfish" for what you think was no reason at all.
Think about it for a minute, though: maybe it is the time to brush up on your organizational skills. Have you been known to be a little selfish from time to time? If so, then there is a grain of truth in the criticism, even if it is personal.
3. Never Take Criticism Personally
To deal with criticism in the best way, you cannot take it personally. Let's take this example: Your boss says you have been a little less productive than usual lately It does not mean that you are lazy in general, but he wants you, his employee, to step up your game.
Now think about your friend. Never think that your friend is calling you a horrible friend and a zombie if she says that you tend to zone out when she is talking to you. It just means that she wants you to communicate a little better.
Remember that you are a wonder, the Being of Light and even that you are allowed to be fallible at the same time. We are learning throughout our life.
How To Deal with Criticism
Now I will give you some tips on how to deal with destructive Criticism.
Remember that there is no point in changing the critic. You can ask them to be more tactful but sometimes people are just unaware of what they are doing, taught to react that way.
However, you can always invest in your inner strength and, therefore, become immune to destructive criticism. Here are five ways to do so:
1. Stop Perfectionism
This is the work on the mental level, a great way to deal with criticism. You cannot keep thinking that you can do no wrong if you want to be able to take a little bit of feedback.
Nobody is perfect, so if you think you are perfect, then you are nobody, i.e you do not exist. Every person has flaws, and if you do not see any of yours, then you are not analysing yourself as closely as you should.
Our soul is perfect and immortal but we choose a given body and mind to use in order to learn more, experience and evolve.
Hence, because evolution and a learning process are natural, you can make mistakes because they mark the milestones of your growth.
A) Make a list of your 10 biggest flaws. That's right. 10, not less. Can you think of 10 things that need improvement? How about 15? This exercise is not meant to overwhelm and depress you.
Instead, see that you have room for improvement and growth. So having written down your 10 flaws add instantly one solution to each of them. I will write about problem-solving techniques in some of my next posts.
B) Now do another exercise. Think about all the people you know. Can you name one who is perfect? Remember that even most movie stars have some flaws. Moreover, think if a person you know is perfect in the field, he/she criticises you. Are they any better people than your critic? If so, there is no need to feel minority complex or beaten up in any other way.
2. Work on Being Less Sensitive
You need to start thickening your skin. In the case of easy crying, getting defensive, and feeling generally upset when someone gives you what was supposed to be helpful feedback, work on your composure and accept your flaws for the reasons I mentioned above and be able to hear about some areas where you can improve.
A) Try to focus on the message and its intention to help you instead of focusing on all of the "mean" or "hurtful" things that were said to you. Control your emotions.
B) Work on your reputation. If people think you are sensitive, they will be less likely to tell you the truth, and you do not want them to feel like they are walking around on eggshells whenever they talk to you.
C.) Live according to the values of light. They are patience, understanding, acceptance, kindness, generosity, love, forgiveness and many more. We are not saints but working on it and trying to be decent people will give other people fewer reasons to use destructive criticism. Plus, this kind of criticism gives you an opportunity to practise some values of the light, e.g. forgiveness and understanding.
3. Work on Your Self-Confidence
Maintaining your confidence is the most important thing you can do. Believe in your inner strength, that you have a divine element within, and remember who you are and where you come from.
Never let other people or other beings influence your own self-worth, no matter what they are saying about you. If you are truly confident, then you will not let haters get you down and make you think less of yourself.
A) Make a list of a few things you do not like about yourself and figure out what you can change and how to love yourself more.
Being confident also means accepting the things you cannot change about yourself. So, if you dislike that you are a quiet introvert, think of the advantages, for example, emphatic listening.
You, before coming to the Earth, have chosen your vehicle - body, mind, challenging flaws and lessons to learn. Congratulate yourself on the courage to select such a life and face the things and issues that other beings could not handle.
B ) Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself will also go a long way in making you feel more confident. Remember that you become the same as the people you stay with most of the time. Revise if they uplift or disempower you. Cut off toxic relationships and find more supportive beings.
Learn how to be more assertive - today's article continues below:
4. Remember That Words Can Never Hurt You... Without Your Consent
Destructive criticism is not made up of bullets, swords, or atomic bombs but of a series of words connected in a way designed to make you feel terrible.
Remind yourself that criticism only consists of a bunch of words. They have energy but you have enough ways to protect them from negativity. Moreover, whatever someone says about you, it will come back to this being.
You will not suffer until you allow the words to hurt you (i.e., let their energy penetrate your subtle bodies). Criticism can't steal your money, slap you across the face, or crash your car unless later you create these events by your thinking and emotions. . So never let it get to you.
Keep doing what you are doing If you have not received valid criticism and know that what she is telling you is only being said because of jealousy, anger, or mean-spiritedness, then there is no need to change your routine to please people.
Moreover, if the criticism has no basis whatsoever, then the best thing you can do is to ignore it completely.
Never feel bad if you are not able to push all of these negative words aside right away. It takes practice to stop caring about what people think.
5. Learn how To Talk And React In A Wise Way
The best way is to cut totally. i.e. not to become involved at all if the criticism is negative. the critic usually wants to boost their self-esteem at your cost.
However, sometimes you may point out that their criticism means a lack of respect and if that their words will come back multiplied. You can also inform the critic that their words do not huer your person.
Practise with your family. whenever someone criticises you and it is destructive, remind them about the respect of the neighbour and karma. Plus, you can use the broken record technique, saying something like this
I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU. I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU. I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU...
The critic will deny or become angry but stay immune and indifferent. After a while, they stop criticising. Eliminate the negative energy of their personal attack by saying to yourself
I AM THE LIGHT AND THERE IS NOTHING BEYOND MY LIGHT. MAY ALL THESE WORDS BE DISSOLVED IN THE DIVINE LIGHT.
TO THE BIN, TO THE BIN, TO THE BIN.
6. Protect Your Aura
Being immune to destructive criticism mentally is not enough if you have got energetic holes in your aura. Strengthen your subtle bodies because then the negative energy of destructive criticism will not reach you.
A. Take care of your aura, thinking, emotions, speaking and actions ahead, before the criticism takes place. The higher your vibrations, the more positivity in your life, the less powerful the negativity will become, and it will cost you less energy to deter the critic.
Further reading bout aura:
B Meditate. You can cleanse all the negativity aimed at you with the Divine White Light or the water from the waterfall. Moreover, you can learn why someone criticises you and enlighten your path.
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In A Nutshell
Today you have learnt the 6 effective tips on how to handle destructive criticism. They include eradicating perfectionism, becoming more immune to insults, taking care of your aura, wise response, working on self-confidence and remembering that words do not hurt unless you accept their negative energy. Good luck with staying on high vibes and being immune to destructive criticism. With love,
Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach that inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any advice published on this website by the reader.