Self-esteem is crucial in case of building happy relationships. Today I will give you tips that will help you to increase your self-esteem.
What Is Self-Esteem
Let's check how this term is defined by psychologists. Most of them use self-esteem to describe a person's overall subjective sense of personal worth or value. Complicated, isn't it?
To say it simpler, self-esteem measures how much you appreciate and like yourself, and what your self-confidence is.
People can have high or low self-esteem. Of course, your goal is to have it as high as possible, in any situation.
Notice that you will behave differently at work and in your intimate relationships. Here are some examples of high self-esteem.
You appreciate yourself and other people.
Growing as a person and finding fulfilment in your life makes you happy.
You can dig deep within yourself and be creative.
You make your own decisions and conform to what others tell you to be and do only when you agree.
The world is seen in real terms so that you accept other people the way they are. At the same time, you are pushing them toward greater confidence and a more positive direction.
It is easy for you to concentrate on solving problems in your life.
You have loving and respectful relationships.
Test How Low Your Self-Esteem
Unfortunately, most of the population of the Earth cannot enjoy the benefits of high self-esteem. They rather manifest the following symptoms:
Easy irritation of anger
Regarding their opinion as unimportant
Hating anyone who thinks differently than them
Never having enough
Being highly sensitive to others’ opinions
Feeling unsafe in the world
Experiencing the emotions of sadness and worthlessness
Finding it hard to keep relationships
Avoiding taking risks or trying new things
Addictions or avoidance behaviour
Focusing on their weaknesses rather than strengths
Struggling to say no
Difficulty with asking for help
Holding a pessimistic or negative outlook on life
Frequent experiencing negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety or depression
How To Work on Self-Esteem
Each and every psychologist and counsellor will suggest something different, usually far from being holistic.
I will give you seven simple, but not necessarily easy to apply, tools for boosting your self-esteem. Before you use these tools, however, follow these steps:
1. Take Inventory Of Your Self-Esteem
Take your journal and just write down 10 of your strengths and 10 of your weaknesses.
This will help you to begin developing an honest and realistic conception of yourself. Now look at your list and analyse it.
1.1. Focus On the Things You Can Change
From a holistic point of view, you can change nearly everything, with God's help.
But in most cases, we focus on the mental aspect and the social conditioning which tell us that only some things can be changed. Read more about four categories of change.
For example, as a woman, you cannot be a man, be as strong as your partner or so big as him, even if you change sex physically.
Focus on your femininity in this case. What can you do to be a smart, attractive woman who he would desire?
If you are in a relationship, remember that you are 50% responsible for this relationship, and, therefore, you cannot change your partner, in the case when he is an abusive one unless he wants it.
So, focus on your reactions, and your attitude, instead of trying to change him, or move on.
2. Never Strive For Perfection
We are often taught to be perfect from the youngest age. How?
For example, to have the highest grades at school, to be the perfect lover, marketer at work, or an excellent cook. Stop it. compare your achievements with yourself, not other people.
How To Boost Your Self-Esteem
Now, when you know what to work on, use the tools I will describe below. You can choose one of them and master it, or combine a couple of these tips:
1. Use The Positive Self-Talk
There are at least two cases of self-talk which can impede your happiness for good.
Limiting negative phrases and words. How many times do you say: “I'm an idiot,” “I'm stupid,” “should/not have done…”, beating up yourself?
Words transform and while using negative vocabulary or disempowering questions (like those starting with “why”), how can you be happy? Use “How can I turn around the situation?” instead.
Self-sabotage is another kind of disempowering language. How many times do you say “I can't,” or “It's impossible?” Saying these statements, you automatically set your mind to fail. And when you fail your self-esteem plummets.
Change your language and your self-esteem will increase.
You can make difficult self-talk less negative and overwhelming by distancing pronouns.
During stress or negative self-talk cases described above, you usually use the "I" sentences.
To detach from a negative message conveyed there, try putting it in more distant terms.
For example, instead of saying “I am feeling ashamed, say “... (your name) is feeling ashamed.”). This can help you to see the situation as a challenge rather than a threat.
2. Do Exercises
Moving your body has many benefits. Firstly, you take care of it and therefore, you will long and will be fit for longer. Secondly, exercising releases endorphins in your brain which helps you to feel more self-confident.
When you notice better and better fitness and your body shape improvement, it also boosts your self-esteem, losing weight and become more attractive to your partner and other people. Even just 15 minutes daily will improve your fitness and self-esteem.
Learn how to take care of your body - the article continues below:
3. Eliminate Negative Thoughts and Emotions
Negative thoughts can do you tremendous damage. It is proved that what we think, manifests in our life as we start attracting people and circumstances according to our dominant thoughts.
The more you think negatively about something, the more probable it is that you will end up, with even more, negativity in your life, plus your self-esteem will plummet.
For example, if you tend to worry that your partner is cheating you, the chances are that you will start behaving in a possessive way and in turn, you will become less attractive to him. Eventually, he indeed may look for a more confident woman.
Beware, that at the same time, you also need to transform your negative emotions, i.e. the body reactions triggered by the chemicals secreted by your brain during thinking. Emotions that are not vented generate more negative thoughts and you end up in a vicious cycle.
Learn how to improve your mental health - the article will continue below:
4. Develop Good Habits
To raise your self-esteem, change your habits. Here are some examples (three of them will be described more thoroughly):
using affirmations - in writing and saying them aloud
keeping contact with positive people, who empower and motivate you
working on your cons and polishing your pros (first define them in your journal)
setting and working on your goals
charging your energy with sleep, the gifts of Mother Earth
4. 1 Visualise
Practice visualizing your success. Close your eyes and take a few minutes to imagine the scenario in which you have reached your goals, using all five senses and paying attention to the details.
4.2. Practise Affirmations
Affirmations are very powerful when used wisely and regularly. depending on what you want to achieve, affirm something which resonates with your inner self. Here are some examples of affirmations for raising self-esteem:
Making mistakes is a stepping stone to success. They are the path I must tread to achieve my dreams.
I am still growing and learning, changing for the better.
I believe in my skills and abilities.
I love the person I am becoming.
Happiness and success are my natural laws.
I deserve a good life, denying any need for suffering and misery.
I can always stand by my decisions. They are sound and reasoned.
People see me as competent, smart, and able.
I am radiating high self-esteem in each situation.
My self-esteem is stronger and stronger every day.
I am confident with my life plan and the way things are going.
My decisions and opinions are respected by people.
I have great ideas. I make useful contributions.
I acknowledge my own self-worth; my self-confidence is rising.
Establish a regular meditation practice to inspect your thoughts, observe them, and separate yourself from them. Cultivating a sense of inner peace will go a long way towards developing healthy self-esteem
Let's Meditate Together
Connect by telepathy during meditation on Saturdays at 8 pm GMT. I will meditate with you and other people so that our joint energy can create miracles. Send your intention to the Universe. Transform your life and the world.
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5. Set Goals and Make A Plan
If you remember the items from the list above (i.e., the symptoms of low self-esteem), there are challenges to overcome in your life. Of course, you will not change them in one day but setting realistic goals and planning implementation will help a lot.
For example, your goal may be to boost your self-esteem in public at work. How will you achieve it? Thinking positively, venting negative emotions, writing a gratitude journal, practising affirmations in front of the mirror and, e.g. joining Toastmasters.
6. Be Prepared
Make an effort to be prepared for whatever situation you are about to encounter. If you are going into a job interview, make sure you have practised, know about the company, and have some good questions ready to ask.
If you are going on a date, take some time to boost your confidence, dress well, and have a plan A and a plan B (and maybe even a plan C!) to make sure it goes well.
However, do not forget that you will never foresee all the factors because of inevitable events.
So never strive for perfectionism here, just do your best. If the interviewer is in bad mood or you are the twentieth candidate, chances are that despite perfect preparation you may fail.
The same applies to dating. he or she might just not like you and it is not a disaster, there will be another chance.
And do not forget to prepare on all levels: physically (dressing), mentally (positive attitude, and skills), emotionally and spiritually.
7. Eliminate Bad Habits
I have mentioned some good habits above, beneficial for boosting your self-esteem. However, more often we follow harmful habits. Here are the three most frequent examples:
7.1. Comparing Yourself to Others
We are living in a very competitive world, conditioned to exist in a rat race from the youngest. You are compared to other kids or co-workers. Moreover, comparison happens in a relationship, and it is a disaster.
For example, you cannot compare to your partner if you have an illness (e.g., epilepsy) and he is healthy.
Secondly, your soul plan is also unique because of your personal karma and the unique tasks for a given lifetime.
Thirdly, the criteria for comparison created by someone serving this person or institution (e.g., your efficiency at work for making a profit by a corporation).
Fourthly, science evolves and what was a criterium twenty years ago does not count today at all.
7.2. Beating Yourself Up When Making a Mistake
Punishment for mistakes had its origin in your childhood when you were criticized by your parents and teachers.
If you are unlucky to live with someone who is very critical, bear in mind that you do not need to be perfect. We are human, and everybody makes mistakes.
When you do make a mistake, think about how to learn from it instead of blaming yourself for it. What can you do the next time differently? What do you need to stop doing?
Use the “five-second” rule. No, not the one about food that is dropped on the ground! This five-second rule is about following up good thoughts and inspiring ideas with action.
Do something to make that great idea happen within five seconds.
In a Nutshell
There are probably more ways which will help you to boost your self-esteem. First, try to implement the tips I have described above. Good luck. With lots of love and light,
Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach who inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any advice published on this website by the reader.