The fear of abandonment can be a big problem today, making you unhappy, unloved, unhealthy and poor. Discover the monster before it kills you.
Fear of abandonment can be very scary and overwhelming. However, not many people know much about it, simply because this fear paralysed you.
But it is never too late to meet the monster before it attacks. be aware of the tricks that the fear of abandonment may do with you. Today you will learn:
What the fear of abandonment is
The symptoms of this fear
The origin of the fear of abandonment
The difference between the fear of abandonment and the fear of rejection
What Is the Fear of Abandonment?
Fear of abandonment is the overwhelming worry that people close to you will leave. - Healthline
But fear of abandonment can be also classified as a phobia. According to Wikipedia, the fear of abandonment can be called Autophobia, monophobia, isolophobia, or eremophobia, being "the specific phobia or morbid fear or dread or of being alone, isolated, abandoned, and ignored. This specific phobia is associated with being alone, causing severe anxiety."
Your fear of abandonment can concern a human being, another being or even God (used by religions to keep their faithful.
How Does the Fear of Abandonment Manifest
There are three main areas which are influenced by the fear of abandonment: your intimate relationships, your work and yourself. What in particular goes wrong?
1. Fear of abandonment in Intimate Relationships
The fear of abandonment can have disastrous consequences in every intimate relationship because your interpretation of your partner's reactions is not sound. For example, any intimate contact can be difficult for you. And I do not mean sex only here. Lack of trust and openness can also take its toll - you start lying or not telling the whole truth.
Moreover, in some cases, you will blame your partner for failings and petty things can induce arguments. Manipulation with guilt or emotional blackmail can be used to keep the partner. You dread losing your partner. Co-dependency is very common.
Fear of abandonment can make it difficult to commit to a relationship or the opposite - you stay with an abusive partner, unassertive and putting his/her needs above yours.
2. Fear of Abandonment at Work
A similar scenario can appear at work, destroying your career and wealth. Firstly, you hide the truth about your co-workers' or business partners' misdeeds because of the dread of alienation.
Secondly, you might not trust your business partner or employer, being afraid of complaints or dismissal. You can even develop paranoia about being deceived, looking for underlying proof of your suspicion. Anxiety about losing your job or being bankrupt is also present.
Mood swings and lying can besmirch your reputation and brand.
You can also become a perfectionist, sometimes procrastinating your job. Moreover, you can also cringe at your boss or try to please your customer for every sake, even if it is obvious that your effort will not convert into profit.
3. Self-Abandonment
Firstly, you neglect your own needs and stop caring about your body, mind and soul. Hence binge eating, lack of physical exercise or sleep deprivation are common. You also become a workaholic.
Unhealthy self-criticism is another dangerous manifestation of reading abandonment. You demean your value, putting other people on a pedestal. Lack of assertiveness leads to putting up with abuse and things you dislike or even despise.
Mental health problems emerge, especially depression. In extreme cases, you can even have suicidal thoughts, sometimes trying to kill yourself. Autodestruction through addictions is also common.
Read more about depression - the article continues below:
Where Does the Fear of Abandonment Come From?
Childhood trauma, e.g. your caregiver's death, abuse
Parental neglect emotionally and sometimes physically
Drinking parents
A parent moving away, e.g. to work abroad
Being adopted
Not feeling understood in your family
Rejection by peers
Living in foster care
Divorce of your parents
Long-term illness
Berakups, abuse and cheating in relationships later in adult life
Psychologist John Bowlby developed a famous attachment theory, which explains that the way we connect with our caregivers in early life shapes how we form attachments with people as adults. John Bowdly classified the fear of abandonment as the element of insecure attachment.
Childhood trauma or traumatic events are especially critical and destructive since they can increase your likelihood of experiencing fear of abandonment in current relationships.
Learn more about fear - the article continues below:
How to Tame the Fear of Criticism in a Holistic Way: Ultimate Guide
8 Critical Tools You Should Use to Tame Your Fear of Vulnerability
What Is the Difference Between the Fear of Abandonment and the Fear of Rejection?
It may happen that rejection sensitivity is also linked to mental health conditions that involve fear of abandonment, like BPD and depression.
However, abandonment relates to fear or anxiety surrounding rejection or loneliness. So feeling abandoned means feeling lonely and therefore vulnerable because you have to cope with everything on your own and it is harder to survive.
But the fear of rejection does not only imply loneliness. You suffer on your mental level, too, and especially your ego. However, you do not necessarily feel helpless and cannot survive. People who fear rejection may struggle with low self-esteem, lack of confidence, shame, or guilt, and spend a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think of them. And now we come to the next issue, the impact of the fear of rejection on your mental health.
How Does the Fear of Abandonment Affect Your Mental Health?
According to Healthline and other sources. the fear of abandonment can be an element of some mental health disorders, such as separation anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder. Below, here is an explanation of each of these conditions:
Avoidant personality disorder is a personality disorder that can involve fear of abandonment resulting in the person feeling socially inhibited or inadequate
If a child doesn’t outgrow separation anxiety and it interferes with daily activities, they may have a separation anxiety disorder.
A borderline personality disorder is another personality disorder in which intense fear of abandonment can play a role.
Read more about mental health - the article continues below
What Are the Kinds of Fear of Abandonment
Now, let's check where the fear of abandonment emerges holistically. I will write about relationships, children, emotional and physical aspects.
In the case of relationships, you might not trust your partner and worry excessively about the relationship itself. Suspicion is very common.
Children, because of weaning from breastfeeding or going to kindergarten, may experience the separation anxiety stage to some extent but if parents nourish them properly this stage is not destructive.
However, if a child's or adult's emotional needs are not met, he/she feels alone, even if their parents or partners are physically present.
Now, let's discover how to tame the fear of abandonment To discover the tools, check my next article.
Credits to Healthline, and Psychcentral.
In a Nutshell
The fear of abandonment can be a real monster. But since you know its origin and how it manifests, it is easier to combat this fear. Good luck with this process. With lots of light and love,
Vicky
About
Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach who inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
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