Efficient communication is a must in the case of a happy holistic life. But many people cannot apply it correctly. What to do?
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What If an Effective Communication
Effective communication just means efficient information exchange. It happens when we understand the motives and emotions behind the information communicated.
This type of communication assumes not only being able to convey the message but also listening that gives full meaning of what has been said and makes the other person feel heard and understood.
You need to communicate efficiently talking to each kind of person, at a different level of awareness and often with those who hurt you or disagree with you.
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The Stops of Effective Communication
There are some cases when your communication with other beings will not be effective but is disturbed. Here are the examples:
1. Overwhelming Emotions And Stress
You cannot listen carefully and convey the message efficiently when your perception is disturbed by stress or overwhelming emotions, both positive and negative.
It is harder to read the recipient's messages. Instead, you send mixed non-verbal signals which impede efficient communication.
2. Lack of Focus
How can you understand the recipient correctly when not focusing on the message? It simply means non-attentive listening. You might also be lost while sending the message yourself, waffling and not keeping straight to the point.
3. Inconsistent Body Language
As I mentioned above, your recipient may send you inconsistent body language messages. It also applies to you during internal conflict or the attempt to put a mask on the message, e.g., when you lie.
Non-verbal communication should reinforce what has been said, not contradict it. You cannot say "yes" by shaking your head and sending a "no" message.
4. Negative Body Language
In this case, you simply kill communication because of using negative body language while disagreeing with or disliking what has been said. Then you rebuff the person's message.
Examples: crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, tapping your feet. You can disagree with the sender of the message but do it in a congruent way.
Ten Rules of Efficient Communication
Now I will tell you what to do to make your communication efficient and minimise misunderstandings. Here are ten non-negotiable rules which you need to apply to improve relationships to create better communication:
1. Speak in Your Name
Even if you cite other people's arguments, always point out that it is your way of understanding them. Therefore, the first-person singular is the best for starting the sentences.
I think/reckon that...
I can...
In my opinion, ...
In turn, avoid these kinds of messages:
(Many) people think that...
Everybody/ No one does/thinks/sees that etc...
Talk about the topics that are familiar to you and in the case when it is Dutch for you, admit it. Describe your emotions, thoughts, and deeds.
2. Ask for What You Want to Obtain
It is your responsibility to the quality of your relations with other people. Treat other individuals as adults who can make their own choices, i.e., say "yes" or "no". Never guess, mind-read or beat around the bush to obtain something from other people.
Ask them directly without being afraid of rejection. It means that you express your feelings, wishes, and needs precisely and clearly. You know them the best so communicate your request to other individuals clearly when you talk about yourself.
3. Do Not Pretend
If you think "yes", never say "no". If you think "no", never say "yes". Never pretend forgiveness when you do not have an intention for this act, never love if you cannot do it. And never say that you give countenance to something when you hate it. Always avoid being two-faced.
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4. Convey the Full Message
Never say "You make me angry", generalising the issue and attacking personally. It is usually something, not somebody, that makes you angry. Be specific in describing your feelings and say something like this:
I am angry at you because of ...
In this way, you will be able to address the given problem and find a solution for solving it. Also avoid generalising words like "always", and "never" as there are always exceptions, even if someone is a duffer at something.
5. Never Apologise
Of course, if you have done something wrong, apologise and promise better conduct in the future. But during an ordinary conversation, apologies are not necessary.
They are the way to avoid confrontation and the truth. It is also a way of manipulation because you convey guilt and negative feelings. You just do not want to feel guilty for doing something wrong, so you apologise and then the other party cannot be angry with you anymore.
Also, by apologising for every word and the way how your words affect the recipient, you avoid responsibility for making changes in your life. To change something in your life, first, understand what is done in the wrong way.
6. Live in the Present
Never waste your precious energy on remorse, or being agitated with what has happened.
Never justify yourself with the past, saying "I am as I am, it was that way in the past (and I cannot change it)." But the truth is different. 99 per cent of your worries become true, therefore, do not be afraid of the future.
Of course, you need to learn about your mistakes and do your homework, planning a better future.
But never run away from something because of being afraid of the consequences. The truth is that if you do not live in the present, you do not live to the fullest.
7. Be Specific
As I mentioned above, avoid generalisation. For example, never say "I do not care..." because it is not true. List a couple of things that mean it. Avoid these statements at all costs:
"Everybody has taken on me."
"No one takes my opinion into account."
"But we do not want it/them."
Instead, answer these questions before generalising:
Name who has taken on you. Are you sure that they have taken on you?
Who does not take your opinion into account? How do they do it?
You do not want, do you? Who does not want?
8. Say What You Reckon
Never ask about the things familiar to you. Instead, express your opinion. We often ask questions not to seek the answer but to manipulate the recipient, i.e., embarrass, deflate their self-confidence, or show their superiority over them at something.
9. Listen to Your Body
Your heart is pounding, your throat is dry, and you have cramps. But your recipient cannot see anything. We are conditioned to play roles, show self-confidence, and know everything, even having no clue about the subject being discussed.
But it takes its toll. It is easy to catch an illness if you pretend to someone you are not because of stress, and tension, while harmony between your feelings and messages is very important. Only then you are authentic, and people trust you more.
10. Ask Questions
it is said that two questions open the road to understanding and efficient communication:
What...?
How ...?
On the other hand, avoid "Why...?" at all costs because it is interrogative and puts pressure on the recipient of your message. Then all your complaints, justifications, assumptions, and explanations come out, not necessarily helping with the main subject of the conversation. It is better to ask:
"What do you mean by that?"
"How do you understand it?"
"What can we do to solve the problem?" "
What are you feeling right now?"
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In A Nutshell
Today you have learnt ten rules of efficient communication. They include speaking in your name, asking questions, using "What...?" and "How...?" questions, never pretending, conveying the whole message, listening to your body and being congruent with what you say and feel, being specific, saying what you reckon to say, living in the present and never apologising. Good luck with improving your communication to enjoy happiness, peace and harmony.
Vicky
About
Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach who inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
DISCLAIMER
The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any piece of advice published on this website by the reader.