Relationships

Stop Being a Victim: Use These 6 Simple Steps

Many people act like a victim but they are not aware of the problem. Can you stop it? Yes, you can, check this article and follow the 6 steps presented here.

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Do You Behave Like a Victim?

Firstly, learn when you act like a victim. I will present you the 10 most frequent patterns of victimism but these are not all examples. Check where you might fit.

1. The Victim Does Not Take Responsibility

He or she uses excuses and does not take action. They will complain about their fate, seeking the preys who will listen and are compassionate. The problem is that the victim will still continue the same way of living, staying in an abusive relationship or working with a toxic boss. They will not stand up for themselves but feel sorry for themselves. Check when and how many times you complain about your work, relationship or people in general. What about filthy weather, annoying traffic jams, or late buses?

2. Victims Do Not Grow

It does not mean that you need to be the best in your rat race at work, family or among your neighbours. I rather mean personal growth. Just look at what you achieved during the last five years in the field of health, mental and spiritual growth, family life and work. The victim will not improve his or her skills, will not look for promotion at work or they do not develop in any other way. They also do not care about spiritual growth or work on their personality, e.g. eradicating negative thoughts.

Learn how to set and work on your goals - the article continues below:

3. They Hold onto Grudges

Even if you have been hurt badly, name called or abused in any other way, never hold onto grudges. Demanding respect or even moving on and finding a new relationship is one thing. However, feeling angry or resentful all the time will not help you to start a new life. Think about what you could do to release your anger and resentment. You have the right to feel them, but ruminating on them will only poison your mind.

Learn how to forgive and let go - the article continues below:

4. The Victim Has Trouble Being Assertive

This symptom is very common in the case of an abusive relationship. Once beaten, you have no courage to stand up for yourself. It is even worse when you justify your partner's behaviour by loving him. But then you suffer and are hurt again. The same applies to your toxic mother or boss. Nothing will change in your life until you become assertive and set up your limits. They will still treat you badly. Maybe you will have to leave your partner or mother, move out and start a new life. A new job can also give you an opportunity to meet positive people. It may be hard. Ask yourself:

“What is more important, my happiness or agreeing to be treated without respect?”.

5. They Feel Powerless

You have just read the paragraph above and might say: “Assertive? Me? No way, I can't do that”. Do not forget about your divine power and the strength of your thoughts. You can. If you had to, you could. Imagine that being assertive is the only solution for you to be alive. It means life or death. Would you be assertive then? Think of the times when you were assertive and successfully set your boundaries. How could you apply this today? Another question which you may ask is: “What is more important, my peace of mind or pleasing him/her?”

6. They Do Not Trust Others

This issue does not only cover the problem of not trusting others. In this case, the victim does not believe he or she is trustworthy himself/herself. The victim makes the assumption that other people are exactly like them, i.e. untrustworthy. If you were ridiculed in your childhood or abused verbally, there is very probable that you will not trust people. What can you do? When you meet a new person, examine the evidence. The chances are that your assumptions are based on your beliefs, not reality.

7. The Victims Feel Sorry for Themselves

You dwell on being miserable, thinking about yourself, and no one else. Victims have a habit of pitying themselves. You probably met at least one person in your life. Instead of seeking solutions to their problems and taking other people into account, victims will ruminate upon how badly other people treated them, how hard their life is.

Their friends have to listen to a monologue, and the victim is not interested in other people's feelings. What can you do? Just recognize that all individuals have terrible days and experience severe events. You are not the only person who is treated poorly by a family member of your spouse.

Learn how to work with your mind - the article continues below:

8. The Victims Constantly Compare Themselves to Others

Comparing to others will never be fair as we are different, just because of having a unique DNA. Even monozygotic twins are not the same, because one is bigger, and the fact of being born as first had also an impact on their life.  We also have unique souls, each of them walking a different path. Moreover, think of your cultural background, sex, height or the fact that you can have a long-term illness. Check my article about how to stop comparing to others.

9. They See Scarcity Instead of Abundance

Even when something good happens, the victim will seek out faults and what is missing. He or she has a negative mental filter. This kind of person is filled with negative thoughts and beliefs that others always are luckier, richer or healthier. However, the victim does nothing to change his or her situation, only complaints. Start practising gratitude and taking small steps which will prove to you that you have some assets and are good at some things. Remember that thinking of scarcity, you will create more of it in your life.

10. The Victim Is a Critic

Apart from complaining, destructive criticism is another tool the victim uses. He or she has a need to put others down and find fault in people. In this way, the victim compensates for his/her helplessness and the fact of not doing anything to create a better life. Before you criticize anyone for doing something wrong, think how excellent you are in this field of life. What you would do if you were in his or her shoes.

Learn how to cope with destructive criticism - the article will continue below:
A victim will not enjoy the sea breeze

11. They Use the Negative Language

A victim will never see positive things in life. He or she will use negative vocabulary. For example, they may exaggerate their negative feelings and use abusive words, like an idiot or stupid on a daily basis. They will also sabotage their efforts, finding helplessness in everything because “I can't, it's impossible, I will fail.” Really? Locate the evidence that you have overcome a similar challenge before and apply the strategies used there for your current situation.

How To Stop Being a Victim

There are seven ways that you can use to stop victimhood in your life. Try at least one of them to see the difference.

1. Admit That You Act Like the Victim

The 12-step program of Alcoholic Anonymus states that naming the problem the first step to start making changes in your life. Just acknowledge that there is a challenge, that something is going wrong. Doing so, stop criticizing yourself. You will evaluate your life later

So take jour journal or diary and write down in which way you manifest victimism. For example, you might use negative language, complain a lot and see only things which other people have, but you lack. When you finished writing, stand in front of the mirror and lead each of the symptoms, proceeding them with “I am a victim, because…”. For example: “I am a victim/act like a victim because I complain a lot, without taking action.”

It might be hard and painful to face the truth, especially when you tend to be a perfectionist or have a big ego. Without an exact diagnosis, you will never be able to change your life and experience peace of mind. Remember that even if the diagnosis means cancer, you can always do something then to elongate your life and to improve its quality.

2. Learn How You Manifest Victimism

If you do not remember the symptoms described above, let me remind you of some  of them:

Once you know them it is possible to address and cure these symptoms. Some tips have been given in my articles here.

3. Know the Benefits of Being the Victim

Victimism would be easy to eradicate if there were no pay-offs, i.e. the benefits of being a victim. Here are some most common reasons:

  • Excuses for not growing, solving problems and taking any action.
  • Gaining other people's attention, compassion, interest.
  • Finding the reason to complain more
  • Justifying their problems
  • No need to take the risk of leaving their comfort zone

These pay-offs may be very tempting to believe. However, ask yourself:

Will my problems disappear then?

The answer is no, even if you find an underlying issue beneath. The truth is that you can address any problem in your life because of being wonderful and having a divine element within.

4. Assume Responsibility for Your Life

All the payoffs mentioned before have one thing in common: you are avoiding taking responsibility for your life. Time has come to change this attitude. No one will modify the nappies for you, breathe for you or take care of your survival. Since the age of 18, you are the only person who shapes your life.

5. Be Grateful

Practising gratitude teaches humility. You start to appreciate what you have got and therefore, complain less about your life. Remember that you will never have everything in life. The more you focus on what you have got, the more confident you will become and people will notice the difference. Start a gratitude journal and each day list three blessings in your life. Soon you will see that your attitude will change dramatically.

6. Forgive

Holding grudges is one of the ways you can manifest victimism. To stop it, just forgive, which means letting the negative emotions go. Accept and feel the anger, hurt, and other emotions because someone has done you wrong.

Write down an imaginary letter to the person who hurt you, not necessarily sending it. But then move on and focus on the present. You can always learn even from the fact of being hurt. For example, who you should avoid and what you need to do to be more assertive and thick-skinned. Also, believe that the wrong done to you by someone will return to them multiplied. The universal Law of Boomerang always works.

Learn more about forgiveness - the article continues below:

6+1. Practise Meditation

Meditating will not only help you to cleanse negative energy but also create a new reality. Instead of complaining and helplessness, start creating your perfect life.

Connect remotely during joint meditation on Saturdays at  8 pm GMT. I will meditate with you and other people then use telepathy. Send your intention to the Universe. Transform your life and the world.  Check and join upcoming meditations.

Learn more about meditation

Final Thoughts

It might not be easy to stop acting like a victim, but it is possible. You might need some time to train new habits and abandon the old ones, but the reward will be huge, and your relationships with other people will flourish. Good luck on the way to changing your life.

Vicky