Some of my readers say "I have tried self-help tools and they do not work." Based on my research, I will describe the four reasons why self-help does not work.
I am not going to negate self-help as such. The tools offered by books, live events and one-to-one interactions contribute much to people's life.
However, self-help may not be a panacea for all problems in everyday life. Learn when it happens and what to do in such cases.
"No matter how good you think you are as a leader, my goodness, the people around you will have all kinds of ideas for how you can get better. So for me, the most fundamental thing about leadership is to have the humility to continue to get feedback and to try to get better - because your job is to try to help everybody else get better." - Jim Yong Kim
4 Reasons Why Self-Help Does Not Work
Self-help tools are like medication. If you use too many of them and the wrong ones, they will do you more harm than help. Before I achieved the current level of self-confidence and self-love, I had been trying many various tools and sometimes used to say "It does not work."
However, after some time, I started to discover why these tools did not work. Therefore, before you resign from psychotherapy or counselling before you give up this year's resolutions, please, read this post and find what you could do to eliminate the four most common and the most persistent reasons why self-help does not work.
1. Focusing Only On the Mental Aspect Of Self-Help
This is the main reason why self-help techniques do not work. We are holistic beings, having seven subtle bodies.
Therefore, if you focus only on the mental and emotional level, ignoring spirit and body, your self-growth will not be permanent and efficient. Here are some cases of focusing only on the mental and emotional aspects of self-help:
1.1. Ignoring Spiritual Aspect
In Matrix, when we are talking about self-help, the spiritual aspect is only discussed from the viewpoint of religion. I would not say that there are no valuable life lessons, e.g., in the Bible (e.g., about thinking and language).
But religions often disempower you as a being, making you dependent on God. You do not need to work for your holistic growth, just be compliant with the higher force.
Include the spiritual aspect of your self-help. You do not only need to master positive thinking and self-esteem but also harmony and peace.
1.2. Ignoring Energy Flow
The mental level does not necessarily focus on energy flow. In the case of holistic self-help, apart from personal growth on the physical, mental, and emotional level, success, and assertiveness, you also include energy and vibrations.
And it is important to understand how universal laws work so that you can make the most of them.
Take care of the energy quality in your house. Be careful what kind of energy you send to all the beings, and objects (even things in your home.) Get rid of clutter and often expect positivity in your life. More about the auspicious house and happy relationships below.
2. Mental and Emotional Challenges of Self-Help
This is the most common aspect of self-help. There are millions of tools that self-help offers to work with your mind. However, simplicity is what matters here. Because thoughts manifest as emotions and vice versa, I will combine the mental and emotional aspects of self-help here. Let's start with fears:
2.1. The Fear of Success
Self-help assumes achieving success. By paradox, success is the thing which most people are afraid of. We are taught to be humble, to live for other people and successfully evoke jealousy or criticism.
In some countries, success is even considered a danger, as you might find someone who will dig underneath to destroy your good streak.
Define what success means for you. How do you perceive it? Do you feel guilty about being successful, thinking that you do not deserve it? If so, try this: for the next 90 days finish the sentence "I deserve…" 27 times with the thing, which you consider as desirable.
2.2. The Fear of Changes
Everyone is afraid of changes as we are driven to our comfort zone. Applying self-help tools requires taking responsibility and action. Sometimes you need to try something new, change some habits, and do things differently than so far. All that causes discomfort.
However, change is the only thing that is certain in our lives. Therefore, the quicker we accept it, the better.
Think about why you are afraid of changes. What is the worst thing that could happen if you changed? Answer this question in writing and give at least three reasons. Moreover, when did you eventually make changes?
It usually happened when you had to when you had got a kick in your four letters by an external force. Was it difficult to implement changes then?
2.3. Perfectionism
This trait is conditioned in childhood. We want to please our parents to deserve their love. Then the teachers and our bosses reinforce this bad life attitude. You know that perfectionism never helps in the long run. You lose opportunities which other people take because they focus on growth rather than perfection.
Start self-love and compassion. Practising them, you will notice your humanity and greatness. Try this affirmation:
"I love and approve of myself. I am a human being making constant progress, learning my lessons."
Repeat it aloud twice a day at least nine times for 90 days.
2.4. Lack of Motivation
We all have ups and downs. Normally, some tools need time and patience to start working, like medications; some of them work efficiently after six weeks.
Self-help is about creating new habits which are not developed within one day. You need to reprogram your neuro associations. Lack of motivation may also be the result of setting too difficult goals or staying around disempowering people.
Think of your motivation. What is the reason for getting up and going? Is it the carrot or the stick? Look at your goals for this year and define the kind of motivation you have in each case.
3. Negative Environment
How many times have you lost your enthusiasm just because the place or people have impeded your personal growth? Or what about some object nearby? Learn what may cause your self-help tools can be useless.
3.1. Toxic People
Most of the people who surround you are negative. Things are worse when you are around them most of the time and when they are very close, like your spouse, children, or parents.
Just because of being jealous, because of the fear of losing you, they may say that self-help tools do not work. Or you, seeing their behaviour, notice that self-improvement is not worth the trouble.
Check who you spend most of your time with. Do these people empower or disempower you? Answer the questions below and if they are positive, consider a serious review of your relationships:
For example, do they often complain, criticise, and blame, everything, and anyone?
How about their attitude to growth, and having uplifting life goals - are they complacent and unwilling to make the progress in their life?
Or are these efforts too ambitious?
Look at each of the five people with whom you spend most of your time. What have they achieved in the field of self-development? Are they experts in the field they criticise? If not, try to limit your exposure to them and set strict boundaries.
3.2. Negative Energy and Places
You can also be surrounded by negative places. E.g. living near the hospital or cemetery will not help you to raise your vibrations and make changes. - add more text
Use some rituals and protective objects to improve the quality of energy in your flat, office or any place where you stay frequently. According to Feng Shui, you can use crystals or plants. Do not forget about clearing the clutter and raising the vibrations of your house.
3.3. Personal Negative Energy
You cannot grow and use self-help tools efficiently if your aura is dirty and you radiate negative vibrations.
Being attacked by negative entities or people causes disturbances in your energy flow, impeding the process of learning new habits or eradicating negative thoughts. I will write more about negative entities below.
In the shortest - raise your vibrations. In the article I have already published, you will find twelve efficient tips on how to vibrate with positivity.
4. Spiritual Challenges
This aspect is neglected the most as no people accept that there is not only a body and mind. Also, spiritual life is often associated with religion, where the spirit is usually a caricature.
For example, Christianity and the Catholic Church condemn extra-terrestrial beings and reincarnation and over 1.5 billion people think so. Learn how they may devastate your self-help attempts to grow from the spiritual point of view:
4.1. Negative Entities
There is a multitude of them. Demons are the most popular ones but some civilisations, named differently, also have an impact on your aura and life - if you permit it. Also, do not forget about thought forms, separate beings created by constant negative thinking about something.
Plus, egregores, collective thought forms, in the place where many people gather: shopping centres, religious events, concerts or sports events. They are also present in hospitals, cemeteries, and workplaces where people think negatively, and dwell on pain, loss, and scarcity.
I have written a couple of articles about energy investment. Read them carefully and apply the tools described there.
This is another important reason why self-help does not work. You can try to attract wealth, and work on your habits but it will not work if you need to face poverty as a consequence of your lifestyle in your past life.
Poverty and unhappy relationships can also be the result of a general soul plan because as a being you want to learn new values of light, e.g., forgiveness or acceptance.
Understand your karma and do your best to eliminate any negativity from your life. Closing your past, forgiving, and leaving grudges will accelerate the process of closing karma.
4.3. The Level of Spiritual Growth
This challenge relates to the previous one. But there is one more thing important here: you will not be able to be open on all self-help techniques being at the lower stages of spiritual growth.
As I wrote in the article about the eight ways to practise spiritual growth, you need to accept and understand everything before working on forgiveness or thought change.
Start meditating. This practice will help you to find the answer to the questions about life and your challenges. You can also transform your life. More about meditation.
Let's Meditate Together
Connect by telepathy during meditation on Saturdays at 8 pm GMT. I will meditate with you and other people so that our joint energy can create miracles. Send your intention to the Universe. Transform your life and the world.
Further reading about meditation:
In a Nutshell
Today you have learnt the four major reasons why self-help does not work. These are not all cases, of course, but I encourage you to start working with those listed above first.
The main reason for self-help tools' failure is focusing only on the mental level and ignoring the spirit or environment. Good luck with transforming your life.
Vicky
DISCLAIMER
The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any piece of advice published on this website by the reader.