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18 Self-Coaching Questions You Should Answer to Be Happy

Do you know your true inner self, existing beneath layers of experience and daily interaction? Check self-coaching.

Practise self-coaching by the lake


What Is the Inner Self?

In the shortest, the inner self is the inner part of ourselves. Apparently, in mental and emotional components:

  • Feeling, fantasies and emotions,

  • intuition,

  • values,

  • beliefs,

  • personality,

  • thoughts,

  • purpose.

A strong inner self means that you cope well with each of the components listed above. It also means that you can remain calm and resilient in the face of challenges happening in the outer world.

To become more familiar with the inner self, let's look at some quotes:

“It is imperative you stay in touch with your inner self, so you don’t lose the essence of who you truly are.” - Omoakhuana Anthonia

“You don't need the world to tell you who you are, your soul already knows.” - Matshona Dhliwayo

What Is the Challenge of the Inner Self?

Unfortunately, we sometimes lose touch with the self during daily struggles and victories, think of your hectic lifestyle, without the time to sit down and look into yourself. But the price is very high.

When we lose our sense of who we are, our daily struggles and anger become even worse, because, at the same time, we are fighting an internal struggle that makes us exhausted, overwhelmed and stressed.

What Is the Solution?

Fortunately, it is not so difficult to synchronize with yourself. It is simple but not always easy and involves some hard work. Reconnecting with the inner self will require concentration practice and above all time.

All you must do is find time for yourself, cut yourself off from all the noise from the outside and listen to your feelings and emotions. This kind of daily practice can have a huge impact on your spiritual health and mental well-being.

However, our hectic life does not help with solving the problem of the neglected inner self. You cannot just turn on the radio and set the correct frequency if you have been conditioned to focus on the outer world for years.

How To Work with Inner Self?

Let's come to the point. It can be as simple as only answering the questions presented below in this article - or a more complex, profound work. Treat work with your inner self as a project which will improve your life. Here are some tips on how to do it:

  • Choose the method of working with your inner self. It can be journalling by answering one or more questions, or, your inner dialogue.

  • Prepare the tools - a diary or journal, a pen or a Dictaphone, and word processing software.

  • Choose the right environment - a quiet place, with no disturbances and your phone off.

  • Choose the time - ideally 15 minutes per session for six days per week (more details below), at a given time of the day.

How Many Questions to Answer in One Go?

I must warn you: the questions listed below need profound answers if you want to connect with your inner self truly. Do not ask them one by one and do not try to give a rational response from the head.

Be spontaneous and let the words flow. Wait for your heart to respond. Select three words to accurately describe your feelings now.

18 Questions to Connect with Your Inner Self

There are many options for working with these 18 questions, too many to list in a book. I have chosen one, the most effective and takes moderate effort and a moderate amount of time.

It will take one week in one go and three questions per day. It is advisable to start on Monday. By Saturday, you will answer all the questions and Sunday is the day of analysis.

the best and the worst about plants

Day One, Questions 1 to 3

Focus on your current situation. The first three questions will help you to identify your strengths, opportunities as well as weaknesses and threats. I will not give you direct answers. However, you can find some clues in the articles listed below.

1 - What is the best in my life now and what is the worst?

Write a balance sheet of your life. On the plus, list your blessings and achievements; on the minus, failures, challenges and things that you lack. You will need this list for the next few days.

For help, read the articles below:

2 - What can I do to be a happier person?

Brainstorm your ideas and list at least ten of them. If struggling, think of what your friends, co-workers or family told you. Maybe you have read a book giving you some tips? Remember to cover all the areas of your life: body, mind and soul.

3 - Which of my achievements and failures is within my control?

There are five categories of positive/negative achievements that are within your control: decisions made, optimization of your lifestyle, beliefs and strategy (i.e. your goals and the way of working with them. However, you cannot control other people's reactions or unexpected events (e.g. economic collapse, a calamity).

Day Two, Questions 4 - 6

Now let's try to define what action you can take to have more control over your life and enjoy more happiness.

4 - What are the things I love about myself?

Look at your list of answers from question one, some answers can be found there. If you are stuck, check what you accept in your life. In the shortest, you may like your achievements, looks, environment (house, pets, flowers, job)

5 - If I could make any change in my life, what would it be?

Again, brainstorm your ideas and pick up one to implement right now. Circle it. Think of your job, family life, health or way of thinking. Do not put pressure on yourself to make these changes right now, just list the ideas.

6 - If I am not happy with something, what is one improvement I can make today to make my life fuller?

If you have no idea, I will give you some. Keep your worries at bay for at least 1 hour a day, count your blessings, go for a walk in the sunshine, and smile. These things are for free, just discipline yourself to start.

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Day Three Questions 7 to 9

On this day, you will learn more about yourself. again, Some of these discoveries may be painful or hard to handle but they are indispensable to your growth.

7 - What lessons have I learned recently (let's say in the last week/month)?

They can be hard and unpleasant. Moreover, they can be taught by austere teachers (e.g. your toxic friends or neighbours, demanding boss or even a child). List five cases that brought big discomfort to your life last week/month and find the lesson hidden behind these cases.

8 - What am I focusing on most in my life right now?

Look at your thoughts. What are you thinking about over and over? If not sure, record your thoughts for a couple of hours that day, let's say every quarter. And then describe if your thoughts help you or impede your happiness.

9 - What does it bring negative and positive energy to my life these days?

Look at your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, people, and objects around you. Which radiate with positivity, and which disempower you? Follow your guts.

Day Four Questions 10 - 12

On this day, you will continue the work on your inner self and your thoughts, emotions and beliefs in particular.

10- Is there a way to reduce the former and increase the second? Is there anything I would like my younger self to know?

Now that you know what empowers and disempowers you, decide how to reduce the negative impact of the objects people, thoughts, beliefs and emotions in your life. Brainstorm your ideas and write them down. If you cannot find any idea, check these articles:

11- Is there anything I would like to try?

Decide upon one thing on the list to try. Treat it as an experiment, giving yourself e.g. a week/month of try. If you are not satisfied with the result, then choose something else.

12- Are there any thoughts or emotions in me that I would like to release?

Forgiveness and self-forgiveness may be the issues to work on. we also tend to submerge negative emotions and inflate negative thoughts, plus we do not love ourselves much. Make another list in writing, of all your thoughts and emotions that need transformation. Check more about forgiveness and self-forgiveness:

thoughts and emotions

Day Five Questions 13 - 15

You will define the tools to use to work with your inner self, plus learn more about self-love and relationships.

13 -How can I work on my thoughts, emotions, or beliefs?

List your ideas and if you have no clue where to start, check the following articles:

14- When was the last time I felt alive and in love with myself?

Think of your childhood, youth or any other time in your life. Describe this event in vivid detail. Let yourself flow while writing.

15- Who is most important to me, and have I shown him my appreciation?

Relationships are very important in our lives. Nourish them regularly. But first, do not forget to meet the most important people in your life better. I especially mean the five people with whom you spend most of your time.

Day Six Questions 16 - 18

The final set of questions concerns your fears, blessings and self-care. Again, write them down in your journal and have them ready for further analysis.

16- What am I grateful for?

Gratitude is a necessary ingredient of the balanced inner self. Your life is fulfilled when you are grateful. Counting your blessings instead of lacking them elevates your vibrations. Just practise gratitude for 30 seconds daily to shift your mindset.

17- What am I most afraid of?

Discover your fears. They are the gridlock blocking your full potential and self-fulfilment. most fears are learned since childhood but they are reversible, you can unlearn them by changing habits, beliefs, language and thoughts.

Also, express your emotions wisely. List all your fears and start working on them.

18- How can I take care of myself and make myself feel loved?

We are taught to put other people first, before ourselves. However, the truth is that without self-care you are not able to help other beings efficiently.

Do you know how to care about yourself? Think about what you could do to nourish your body, mind and soul. If you cannot find ideas, check some described in these articles:

Day Seven

Now you are ready to answer the final question. At this stage, it will be a much easier question to answer than seven days ago.

Who am I?

You have gathered so much valuable knowledge about yourself that 90% of the population does not have right now. Therefore, looking at all your answers, to all the previous questions, answer sincerely the last one.

These questions will help you to find more clues:

  • What roles do I play in my life (at work, in the family, in the country)?

  • Who am I from the spiritual point of view?

  • How would I like to be defined in your future?

Let's Meditate Together

Connect by telepathy during meditation on Saturdays at 8 pm GMT. I will meditate with you and other people so that our joint energy can create miracles. Send your intention to the Universe. Transform your life and the world.

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In a Nutshell

Today you have learnt 18 questions that can help you to find a better connection with your inner self and how to practise some self-coaching. I have described to you an option of the 7-day program, in which you answer a couple of these questions a day, in writing. Then on the seventh day, you define your identity based on the answers from the previous days. Try this program and create a better connection with your inner self. Good luck and lots of love and light.



Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach who inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.


The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any piece of advice published on this website by the reader.


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